


You Were A Stripper?

by DarkenedHeart



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: (I dunno), I'll need that back..., I'm not very good at this - But I did it anyway., If you see my sanity PLEASE pick it up., Jack as a one-time stripper., Jack's got game. BTW, M/M, Mac as a one-time stripper., OOC?, Same Story - Different Versions, Two Chapters with One-Shots, Undercover Work, What is my brain right now?, eventually..., humorous?, pre-slash?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 11:46:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8531842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkenedHeart/pseuds/DarkenedHeart
Summary: "Were you a stripper or something?" Jack asked one mission. The agent didn't know his friend as well as he thought he did. If he did, he wouldn't be swallowing so thickly as he stared-Well...You'll just have to read this to find out.*I also did a Second Chapter where it's Jack who's the stripper. I'm TERRIBLE at this, so don't expect anything glorious.*--- - --- - ---(NON-Canon question. Don't go looking for it.)





	1. If it was Mac

"A strip club?" Jack laughs after Thornton's debrief of their newest case. Apparently, the only way to get close to a foreign diplomat was through his (*ahem*) personal vices.

"Yes, Dalton," Thornton says, unamused. She raises an eyebrow, "You have a problem with that?"

"Nah," the agent shakes his head as he raises his hands in surrender. "I'm just wondering who you had in mind for this particular mission."

"Hey, I do not show for anyone," Riley instantly shoots down any ideas of her doing it.

"You are also unqualified for this particular task," Thornton adds with a slight strain to the word 'unqualified'.

"He's gay," Mac supplies before things can be drawn out. He smirks at Jack's look of surprise. "Yeah. Looks like I'm going to have to brush up on my pole dancing."

Jack's face blanks as he stares at the younger agent.

"Your what now?"

 

\- - -

 

Techno music pounds in the darkened room as low colored lights shine bright enough for people to move around. There's a small, thin stage in the center of the room, surrounded by chairs. The diplomat is sitting at the center, a pretty blonde boy already sitting in his lap.

"Guy's clearly got a type," Jack grumbles under his breath from where he was trying to stay out of eyesight in a corner booth. He waves away another offer of a drink from a topless, black haired teen. When the waiter walks away looking disappointed, Jack desperately tries not to roll his eyes or cringe.

"I think someone's got a crush on you," Riley jokes over the comms. The techie is keeping an eye on her teammates through the security cameras from a van two blocks away. Not all of the rooms were monitored, for obvious reasons, but the main room had plenty of camera to hack.

"If that kid's legal, I'm twenty eight," the agent hides his words with a wipe at his face. "When does Mac's show start again?"

A drum roll follows the question and a spotlight shines on the curtains at the stage.

"For your viewing pleasure," a speaker announces lowly, drawing even more attention to the show before it starts. "In his debut performance, Mr. Fix-It."

"Mr. Fix it?" Jack can't believe his teammate's choice in name. "What's the kid thinki-"

The rest of the agent's words are stolen as Mac takes to the stage. The blonde comes out in a flourishing part of the curtains. He's wearing a sparkly jumpsuit with a too-large tool belt. What happens after has Jack frozen in shock.

Mac can MOVE. The blonde clearly know his body well. Mac slides and moves with such fluid movements it's like he and his clothes are one person. 

Then the young agent starts taking things off and the room's temperature skyrockets.

The belt goes first, with much pretend protest and inappropriate movements. Jack will never look at a tool belt the same again. In fact, he's going to burn his when he gets home.

The jumpsuit is fastened with snaps, and Mac rips half of it off in one powerful movement while he looks directly at their target. 

Jack swallows thickly. The kid was the definition of HOT.

Thankfully, Mac's boots prevent him from stripping down more than just his torso, but where he ties the shirt sleeves....

When the black haired teen offers Jack a drink again, he gladly downs a swig of whatever the kid's peddling.

He thinks it was vodka, maybe with a squeeze of lime.

Mac winks at the diplomat before striding off the stage for the next performer. Jack takes an ice cube out of the drink in front of him -when did that get there?- and rubs it around his neck as he tries to calm his breath.

'Nothing terrible better happen,' Jack thinks as he feels something uncomfortable in his nether regions. 'I don't want to fight the bad guys with THAT problem.'

"Looks like Mac caught our diplomat's attention," Riley comments with a touch of pride. 

'Not just his,' Jack thankfully stops himself from saying the words. Instead, he looks over to their target to see the man ignoring the beauty in his lap to wistfully stare at where Mac was standing just moments before. 

The diplomat quickly gets up and flags down a manager and whispers something in their ear. The manager smiles and nods, accepting the money from the diplomat and directing him towards one of the private rooms.

"Looks like Mac's up for part two," Riley points out. "You okay there, Jack? You're being too quiet. Especially for you."

Jack clears his throat first, "I'm good. Just...Keeping an eye out."

"Ahuh," the techie replies, disbelief clear in her voice. "Just make sure to keep those eyes out for danger."

"What else would I be looking at?" Jack growls lowly, defensively. The dark waiter startles a little and stares at the agent with large eyes. If the kid really had feeling for him, Jack is going to feel like crap for doing this...He smiles at the kid, "Hey, there. You wanna go to the back rooms?"

The kid's face lights up with hope and Jack hates himself a little as he emulates the expression.

Jack watches the diplomat go to the back rooms with Mac and he follows with the dark haired waiter. When his partner takes the room across the hall, Jack is slightly relieved.

Slightly. He still has to let his 'date' down easily.

 

The second his door closes, the dark haired kid is on Jack, trying to kiss into the agent's mouth in desperation.

"Woah!" Jack pushes the kid back gently but firmly. "Take it easy there, kid."

"I know you like blondes," the kid smiles sadly, his eyes dark with want. "But I can make things good for you too."

That sends a pleasant shiver through the agent's body, but he doesn't have the luxury of enjoying the feeling.

"I don't even know your name-" he starts.

"Vlad, now can we?"

Jack keeps the kid at bay, the hatred he had for himself mounting with the Vlad's look of hurt, "Listen, Vlad. I'm...I'm sorry but...."

"Jack," Riley awkwardly breaks into his head. "Uhm...When you're," she clears her throat. "Mac's ready when you...When you...finish."

There's no dignified way to tell someone to not have intercourse and break into someone else's room. It's just super awkward for everyone.

Jack lets out a frustrated breath. He holds one arm out to keep Vlad back and pulls out his wallet.

"Listen," Jack slowly releases the kid, waits to make sure he won't be attacked again and smiles when Vlad stays still. He pulls out all the money in his wallet, about five hundred dollars, give or take. He gives it to the kid, "I'm sorry. I can't do this after all. I'm sorry."

"Oh," Vlad takes the money, eyes downcast to stare at the bills in his hand. His voice is wavering when he adds, "Is it because I'm....ugly?"

"No!" Jack assures him, trying to think of the fastest way of the situation. He decides to pat the kid in the shoulder, "You're gorgeous, honestly. You should find another job, You're too good for this line of stuff, Vlad."

"What else can I do?" Vlad looks up with wet eyes. "I only finished High School. I'm too old to go back to school."

"You can't be more than twenty, Vlad," Jack huffs a laugh, pulling back his hand and turning to put his ear to the door to listen for company. He doesn't hear any footsteps, which is good. He has to help Mac get the diplomat out of there. He smiles at the kid, "Figure out what you want and go for it, Vlad. Don't wait for life to come looking for you. Carpe Dime and all that. Seize the day."

Jack grabs hold of the handle to leave, but Vlad puts a hand over the agent's to stop him.

"I never got your name," Vlad says, eyes so full of mixed emotions, Jack is tempted to give him the real thing.

"My friend's call me Nicky," Jack winks at the kid. "I'll see ya round, Vlad."

Jack sneaks out of his room and gets into Mac's a second later.

The blonde agent looks at his partner expectantly, the diplomat unconscious and bound at his feet.

"That was fast," the older agent jokes half-heartedly, grabbing hold of the blanket off the bed to wrap the body. "You ready with that escape route, Riley?"

"Been ready," the techie remarks dryly.

"I am sorry that I am also good looking," Jack remarks with a heavy dose of sarcasm.

"We heard everything, Jack," Mac points out, arms crossed over his chest. The blonde was out of his stripper costume and wearing his regular outfit; jeans, shirt and a leather jacket. Somehow, it still affects the heat on Jack's cheeks.

"Nosy," the agent mumbles as he finishes wrapping the body and hoists it up on to his shoulder. "You ready? This guy's heavy."

Mac nods, going for the hallway door to check for other people.

The two agents make it safely out of the club without anyone noticing. 

Everyone heaves a sigh of relief when they actually drive away without any angry people shouting at them or trying to shoot at them. 

 

\---End Version 1---


	2. But what if it was Jack?

"A strip club?" Jack says excitedly after Thornton's debrief of their newest case. Apparently, the only way to get close to a foreign diplomat was through his personal vices.

"Yes, Dalton," Thornton says, with a small grin. She lifts her head, "You think you can handle it?"

"Wait a minute," Riley raises a hand. She points at the older agent, "JACK is the one you want to send undercover in a strip club? As what? The bartender?"

"Oh ye of little faith," Jack answers the techie with a cheeky grin. "It's a well known fact that everyone loves a cowboy."

 

\- - -

 

Techno music pounds in the darkened room as low colored lights shine bright enough for people to move around. There's a small, thin stage in the center of the room, surrounded by chairs. The diplomat is sitting at the center, a dark haired young guy already sitting in his lap.

"Guy doesn't waste any time," Mac remarks under his breath from where he was trying to stay out of eyesight in a corner booth. He waves away his second drink offer of the night with a forced smirk. The blonde waiter shrugs, indifferently and walks away.

"Do we really expect Jack to pull this off?" Riley questions over the comms, knowing the other agent would be out of the loop. The techie is keeping an eye on her teammates through the security cameras from a van two blocks away. Not all of the rooms were monitored, for obvious reasons, but the main room had plenty of camera to hack.

"A few hours ago, the thought of him in a strip club 'participating' wouldn't have even entered the furthest point of my mind," the agent hides his words with a hand over his mouth. "When does 'the show' start again?"

A drum roll follows the question and a spotlight shines on the curtains at the stage.

"For your viewing pleasure," a speaker announces lowly, drawing even more attention to the show before it starts. "In his debut performance, The All-American Cowboy."

Mac huffs out a laugh. He doesn't know what he should be thinking. He just keeps imagining his teammate with an inflatable guitar and too large cowboy hat. It doesn't instill much confidence in the man's ability to swoon their target.

A guitar parts the curtains and a hand follows to play a few strums of an unknown song. One riding chap steps out, then the other, followed by the rest of the man. 

For the first time in his entire life, Mac's brain stops working.

Jack is shirtless, with only a leather vest and the guitar to hide his abs. The man's arms flex as he continues to play his little song. There's a black cowboy hat atop the agent's head and a piece of straw sticking out of the corner of the man's mouth. The chaps cover a low rising pair of tight jeans and the black cowboy boots have metal tips that reflect the spotlight.

Jack stops playing and slides the instrument of his shoulders. Mac KNOWS the man is purposely flexing parts of his body he does NOT need to flex.

The instrument goes to a waiter's hands and Jack winks at the person, pulling the straw from his mouth as he does so.

A western starts playing and Jack moves slowly into the beat, turning his body and sticking out his rear in time to the beat. 

Mac just stares. His mouth may or may not be open; he can't work up the brain power to figure it out.

The vest slides off Jack's shoulders as he turns to show off his toned back. The vest sways as the man tilts back and around in an impressive contortion so that the article can fall in a heap in front of the diplomat.

The heat of the spotlight and the effort from Jack's dancing is making the man sweat, adding a shine to the muscles on display and Mac's mouth runs dry. He idly wishes he had taken that last offer of a drink.

The song ends and Jack walks off the stage with a controlled strut. He pauses at the curtains to tip his hat at their target.

The diplomat is as gob-smacked as Mac, his mouth most definitely hanging open in shock. He clutches to the discarded vest tightly as he hunts down a manager.

"I have to wash my brain out with soap now, but it looks like Jack managed to impress our diplomat," Riley comments with a touch of pride. 

"Not just him," Mac murmurs, eyes watching as the manager smiles and nods at their target. The manager accepts a sum of money the diplomat then directs him towards the area with the private rooms.

"Did you say something, Mac?" Riley asks.

"What? No," Mac clears his throat. "I think Jack's headed towards part two. You ready on your end?"

"Escape vehicle primed and ready for a speedy escape once you secure our guy," the techie makes a strange noise. "I am SO glad Jack could have a comm on him. I do NOT what to hear what sort of things he tells...'clients'."

"Ahuh," Mac comments as he skillfully follows the diplomat to the door leading to the back rooms. A man at the door is only allowing workers and their clients though, making it difficult for the blonde to get passed as his teammate is lead through with their target.

Mac searches the room for the dark haired guy that was on the diplomat's lap earlier. He sees the guy sitting in the same spot, looking a little lost. The agent walks straight for him.

"Hey, there," Mac smiles at the guy, "You wanna go to the back rooms?"

The dark haired guy looks up at the blonde and shrugs indifferently. "Sure. But I'm expensive."

"Right," the agent doesn't let his smile falter. "You lead the way."

The guy takes Mac passed the guard and leads him to a room.

"How do you know which ones are already empty?" Mac asks with fake concern.

"There are signs," the guy answers. He points to the door on the other side of the wall. "There's a match in the doorjamb, meaning it's taken."

"Ah," Mac quickly scans the other two room, no match; so Jack has to be in the room across the hall. The close proximity is a relief to the blonde, he'll be able to hear if his partner gets into trouble.

"You going to stand there all day?"

Mac snaps out of his head and follows his 'date' into the room. Once inside, the dark haired guy goes straight for the bed and starts undressing.

"Wait," the agent stops him with a raised hand as the other goes for his wallet. He pulls out a three hundred out and offers it to the guy, "Just take the money. I changed my mind."

The guys shrugs indifferently, "Suit yourself."

There's something wistful in the guy's face that Mac can't place. He can't dwell on it, though, so he presses an ear to the door to make sure everything was clear. When he doesn't hear any footsteps, he goes out the door and into the one across the hall.

Jack looks up at him from the floor, one arm around the diplomat's throat as the other holds it in place.

"Evening, Mac," the agent greets his partner. "You're just in time. Nearly done here."

Mac quickly closes the door.

The diplomat falls unconscious.

"I take if from Jack's happy voice that he's got our target unconscious?" Riley surmises over the comms.

"We'll be out in a few minutes," Mac answers. "Can you get the car to the designated spot in time?"

"Already moving."

Jack pushes the man off his body and gets to his feet. He's still wearing the cowboy outfit, so he starts unfastening his chaps as he nods his head towards the bed.

"You wanna wrap him up while I get a shirt on?" Jack asks his partner as he finishes one leg and moves to the other.

Mac swallows back down the words that won't come out and decides to nod instead.

"I forgot how uncomfortable these things are," Jack grumbles as he finishes unfastening the chaps and tosses them to the ground. "And these pants have absolutely NO breathing room. I'm surprised I haven't split the seams yet."

Mac continues to nod, refusing to comment on how the pants complimented his partner's fine rear end.

'Wait.' the blonde's brain does that 'not-thinking' thing against. 'Since when do I appreciate Jack's a-"

"Mac?"

The agent jumps a little as he looks up towards where the voice came from. Jack stares down at him, a t-shirt covering his toned torso; Mac is sad to see it gone. 

Jack frowns at him, "You okay, kid? You've been holding that blanket over our target for over ten seconds."

"Sorry," Mac shakes his head as he quickly wraps the diplomat up. Jack moves in to take the covered man onto his shoulders.

"Whatever naughty thoughts you've got going on in that brilliant head of yours," Jack makes a circular motion to encompass Mac's entire head. "You just keep them to yourself until this mission is over."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Mac remarks as he checks the door for noises. He nods when he hears none. "We're good. You ready?"

"Yeah," Jack adjusts his hold on the bulky object. "Let's hurry things up too, this guy's heavy."

Mac nods, opening the hallway door to check for other people before motioning for his partner to follow.

The two agents make it safely out of the club without anyone noticing. 

Everyone heaves a sigh of relief when they actually drive away without any angry people shouting at them or trying to shoot at them. 

 

\---End Version 2---

**Author's Note:**

> *I am legally inclined to state I own nothing.*


End file.
